life always goes on forward

Writings from 2006-2008:

Epidemics
Sometimes I feel like I’m having the same conversation over and over again
And in the end you feel better for it and I sink further into my cynicism of your supposed prospects
My sole intention is not to gratify you over and over again.
I want to dig a well so that it will always be filled with our love and if nothing else – that is what we have
I can’t build on easy solutions
Simple gestures that get you through the day
It’s a disguise of sorts – what we make.
We speak and agree on things but they are never stable – they serve the mere purpose of relieving emotional distress…because in better times we forget of these issues.
They are all transgressions. We are sinking. Go back to her. And me to him. What a failed life.
I believe in you endlessly but give me some indication that your intentions will materialize aside from words and mental masturbation.

knowledge
How do I know that I am in love?
Will I turn red when I feel it?
Will I get a runny nose and hide under the covers?
Can I take a test and follow the + or – sign?
They say the more times you fall in love the less intense the love is.
Some people never love.
Am I seemingly in love because the relationship is so great?
Or
Do I doubt my love because the relationship is so great?
Why don’t I trust myself?
We are inherently very perplexed and multi-faceted creatures that cannot subscribe to any one particular thought.
We got to start respecting life more.
“My wife always told me she didn’t know when I was serious and when I was joking. After that I turned serious. But it was too late she left me” Monolog

I will go sailing
I am at war with myself
Today my better half is free and thrives of off hope
Tonight I’m a drug addict on the relapse
I am so in love with you
I don’t ever want to love you again
Your love is temporary and very day to day intense
With no long term planning
No accountability
Not even a word
No honor or loyalty
But you were my soul my most loyal companion
The captain of my army and fleet
You stood for me
You accepted me with comfort and adoration
What to make of all of this?
I love you but don’t ever come back
Come back and change
Challenge yourself to live up to your expectations
To my expectations and know yourself
Have some faith
It’s in your head
Everything is in my head
Be the king of your temple
You are of course a man
You die for me
But run from yourself
How can I love you when you is merely a body
When you are indefinable, instability.
I care for you but I need to do this for me.
Do this for you and for me!
Why cant you?
I lost my respect
A fool to believe that something would change
But I believed whole-heartedly nonetheless
I believed
Have some faith in yourself
Baby step your way out of a stand still
Be honest but don’t run to comfort
I am comfort also
Is that all I am?
Not a factor
You made a decision?
I made a decision and I’m sticking with you. It. You. It. Don’t ever love me again. And when you think back on these fond memories remember to savor.
I will get binoculars and a boat